“I’m a perfectionist.”
I hear this from women in my circle all the time. I’ve even said it a time or two. I hit a brick wall writing this piece because I struggle with perfectionism.
We say it when we want things to be flawless—whether we’re working on a new project, finishing an assignment, planning an event, or even cooking a meal. We use the phrase to excuse our drive for precision.
But is it really something to celebrate? The praise feels good—the pat on the back, the validation that comes with a job well done. Yet beneath the applause lies a truth we rarely admit: perfection comes at a cost.
Perfectionism rarely announces itself with bravado.
It slips in quietly, cloaked in responsibility and disguised as “excellence.”
It hides in late-night emails—carefully scheduled for the next morning so no one sees the overwork.
It lingers in your insistence on “just one more revision.”
It’s etched in the smile you wear while quietly unraveling inside.
From the outside, perfection appears to be competence. On the inside, it feels like exhaustion.
Let’s take a moment of truth, that many high-achieving women may never admit: Perfectionism isn’t helping you move forward. It’s quietly draining you.
Do You See Yourself Here?
Perfectionism is a master of disguise. You may not think you struggle with it. But before you brush it off, read the list below and see if any of these sound familiar:
You rejoiced when Apple added the “edit” button for texts, didn’t you? If you tend to rewrite your emails, texts, or posts five times before sending them, you might be a perfectionist.
You delay launching, finishing, or sharing because it’s never “ready enough.”
You set impossibly high standards for yourself—and sometimes for others, too.
You struggle to celebrate wins because all you notice is what’s missing.
You feel guilty when you rest, like you should be “catching up.”
If your stomach tightened reading this, that’s the signal. Perfectionism isn’t about doing things well—it’s about never letting yourself believe you’re enough.
Why Perfectionism Is So Dangerous
Perfectionism whispers:
“You’ll finally be enough when you do more.”
“If you don’t do it perfectly, you’ll fail.”
“You can’t let anyone see you struggle.”
“If you slow down, you’ll fall behind.”
And no matter how much you listen, the finish line keeps moving.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do things well. Excellence is beautiful when it fuels your growth and creativity. But when ‘doing it right’ comes at the expense of your peace, health, or joy, it stops being excellence and starts being perfectionism. That’s the line.
It’s the cycle of:
Carrying stress without pause
Meeting expectations at the cost of your own needs
Silencing joy because “there’s no time”
Eventually, perfectionism becomes self-sabotage. Not because you aren’t capable—but because you’re using all your energy chasing worth like a finish line when you are already worthy to begin with.
How Perfectionism Sabotages Your Life
Perfectionism is one of the craftiest saboteurs because it convinces you it’s helping when, in fact, it's hindering you.
Personally: You delay or avoid progress—projects stall. Dreams sit half-finished in notebooks and folders because they’re not “perfect” yet.
Relationally: Your loved ones feel the weight of your impossible standards. You unintentionally drive your partner, kids, or colleagues crazy with your insistence on getting things “just right.”
Professionally: You play small to avoid mistakes—or you overwork so much you burn out before you can move forward. Either way, you stay stuck.
Perfectionism not only slows you down—it also keeps you stuck in the same loop, draining your energy, confidence, and relationships.
Why We Struggle With Perfectionism
No one wakes up one day and decides, “I’ll measure my worth by being flawless.” Perfectionism is something we learn.
For many high-functioning women, it comes from:
Early praise is tied to performance. If love, attention, or approval only came when you achieved, your nervous system learned that success equals safety and mistakes equal rejection.
Trauma and survival. When life felt unpredictable or unsafe, doing everything “just right” felt like the only way to avoid pain.
Cultural conditioning. Women are told to be strong but also accommodating, ambitious but also selfless. The impossible standard becomes the cage.
Fear of failure. Somewhere along the way, failure stopped being a form of feedback and became a threat to your identity.
Comparison culture. Constantly seeing curated highlight reels makes “enough” feel like it’s always out of reach.
Perfectionism was never who you were—it was a role you played to feel safe. You don’t need it anymore. It’s time to step out of survival and into freedom.
The Holistic Toll
Perfectionism doesn’t just live in your to-do list—it shows up everywhere:
Physically: exhaustion, stress, headaches, sleepless nights.
Mentally: racing thoughts, anxiety, constant self-criticism.
Emotionally: guilt, frustration, shame, or numbness.
Spiritually: disconnection from intuition, joy, and alignment.
What appears to be “high-functioning” is often the slow unraveling of your most authentic self.
The Reframe: Perfectionism Doesn’t Protect You—It Traps You
Perfectionism convinces you it’s the path to success. However, perfectionism can prevent you from experiencing peace, freedom, and fulfillment.
You don’t need to earn rest.
You don’t need to hustle your way into worthiness.
You don’t need to prove yourself to belong.
Your humanity is already enough.
Action Steps to Disarm the Perfectionist Saboteur
Breaking free starts with small but radical choices:
Name it. Notice when you’re rewriting, rechecking, or replaying—and call it what it is: sabotage, not safety.
Lower the bar on purpose. Complete one task this week at 80% (gasp) and watch the world keep spinning.
Pause before pushing. Ask: Am I doing this out of love or fear?
Redefine success. Instead of flawless, aim for aligned.
Interrupt isolation. Share your struggle with someone safe. Connection disarms the saboteur.
And remember: lowering the bar doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop sacrificing your well-being for standards no one can live up to. Doing things well is healthy. Doing them perfectly, at the cost of yourself, is not.
The Reset: Your Way Out of the Dark Side
Perfectionism promised to keep you safe, but instead it locked you in. The moment you let it go, you step back into freedom.
Remember, your worth was never meant to be earned. It was already yours.
That’s why I created Get Out of Your Own Way. It’s not another planner. It’s not another hustle guide. This is a reset framework built for high-functioning women who are tired of burning out in silence.
Inside, you’ll learn how to:
Spot and stop perfectionism in real time
Untangle the patterns that keep you circling the same loop
Restore your energy with practices that take minutes a day
Rebuild your confidence so it’s no longer tied to performance
Create a rhythm of rest and alignment you can actually sustain
Most women feel the shift within the first week—not because they’re doing more, but because they’re finally doing it differently.
If you’ve been circling the same exhausting loop, this is your way out.
Because your strength isn’t in perfection—it’s in presence. And the moment you step into that, you reclaim your freedom.